catherine

about me;

i'm brown eyed. i wouldn't have it any other way.
my hair is short, i want it longer.
i wear my heart stamped right on my forehead.
i'm always on an emotional roller coaster.
i'm 17, about to be 18; i live on my own.
i firmly believe that trust is a sign of weakness.
i'm pretty determined. when i want something i get it OR ELSE.
i'm not shy, i just don't open up easily.
i usually always regret telling people my feelings.
i'm full of love.
i'm full of hate.
i have a boyfriend who acts perfect.
i like real people who don't hide their emotions.
when you're talking to me, i'm most likely thinking of a million different things - my attention span is pretty short.
i wear pigtails like it's going out of style.
i will always go from z to a to c to f instead of a,b,c,d.
i fight self destruction every day.
i have a hard time believing that anyone could love me,
and chances are i'll push you away if you do.
if i had a super power, i'd be invisible.
i think people are full of shit.
i hate it when people tell me to be happy...as if it's just that simple.

Most people enjoy hearing themselves talk. I, on the other hand love reading the beauty of my own words. Once you've spoken your own words you can never have them back, but writing, that's another story. When you write your words you can be vain with them so to speak. You can go back and look until you've realized where you need to make changes. So call me a perfectionist, because that's indeed what I am. I love perfecting my words. Words are beautiful, and if my words are beautiful, then so am I...or in my mind that's how the story goes.


I love writing, grammar, anything to do with words!

I'm 17 years old. I've been through a lot in life... a lot more than most adults. No, I'm not bragging. I'm not trying to use that statement as a pathetic excuse for sympathy. I despise sympathy, as well as people who seek it.

My point in saying that much is I'm very mature for my age. Okay, I know, I'm just 17, but what's in a number? I've experienced a lot. I think I know my fare share enough to make my own decisions in life. I know that I am capable of making wonderful choices, and if I mess up, I'm capable of doing the best that I can to mend the faulty situation.

I look around at other people my age, or older...and I just have to say that I am in complete awe of my accomplishments. I'm 17 and I stand strong. I am fine. I am independent (for the most part, haha). I am mature.

How many people can say that? How many people actually get over their bitter phase, or better yet, even go into that phase? I did.

God, looking back so far. I think one of the hardest things to do was face the fact that all things come in TIME... this did not blow over so well with me...impatient me. I HATE waiting for things. I want everything that I want RIGHT NOW. I cannot wait, but I must :).

I do wish I could better explain myself because I feel as if this whole "short story" if you will, is unorganized.

What do do? What to do about school!?

Apr 22, 2006 2:16 PM
fiiiiirssssst commmmment.
i like you.


Apr 29, 2006 12:13 PM
you have nothing to be sorry about, love.
and you are amazing times infinity to me.
ps. i'm about to call you.


May 1, 2006 1:11 PM
i apologize for waking you up, love.
i'll call you around 5ish?


May 2, 2006 1:34 PM
God has truly rewarded me. You coming into my life is the best thing to ever happen to me.
love.


May 2, 2006 2:34 PM
my day has been good...but only YOU could make it GREAT!
:)



May 3, 2006 11:49 AM
heeeys yous. you light up my life.
just being with you is the world to me and i wouldn't have it any other way. you are my happy. you are my love.
i'll always keep you on your feet, love.
ps. i'm in ♥ with you.


May 3, 2006 11:50 AM
oh and just so you know. i'll never let go of you.
ever.



May 5, 2006 2:49 PM
hello wonderful.
you slept very peacefully and it made me smile. you're gonna wear my shirt again? awesomeness! :)
i'll see you in lil bit. and yea we can definitely go watch that movie tomorrow, love.



May 5, 2006 2:52 PM
you know it's funny. everytime i decided to hop on myspace i see that you're online too.
another additive to why you and are i destined to be together.


May 7, 2006 11:30 AM
i love you.
this past week was remarkable! i love everything about you. i'll miss your lips, your hips, and those precious fingertips but soon you'll be right back in my arms.
ps. i'm glad we waited to do it. i had a dream last night. i'll tell you about it the next time we talk.



May 8, 2006 5:55 PM
i miss the hell out of you.



May 9, 2006 11:59 AM
i wuuuv woo.
ps. the whole wicker park soundtrack is fabulous btw. :)


May 9, 2006 5:43 PM
awwwwwwwww.
caaaaatherine...you got a picture collage of me! :DDD
you're so sweet.
i love that song. it's oh so true.
i love you.


May 10, 2006 1:21 AM
get online if you feel like it, nigga.



May 10, 2006 12:09 PM
hello apple of my eye.
have a swell day. okay?
loves.


May 10, 2006 10:34 PM
hey yous. i'm glad you had a great day, love.
i like the idea of you moving to town in june...it makes me soooo happy! we'll have to talk more about it.
:)


May 13, 2006 3:49 PM
chup.
and wanna know something?
Shoot...you already know it.
I love yous.

May 13, 2006 10:40 PM
hey you.
well i can say for myself that when i start doing something i keep at it. when i'm at work, even when its not busy i'll sometimes make stuff to do. haha.
and yes, i can't wait to be with you.


May 15, 2006 1:15 PM
hey pretty words.
well of course just hearing your voice makes my day. :)
i'm sure your room is going to be beautiful.
and i'm pretty confident your family will like me too. i have my southern roots. :)


May 16, 2006 4:30 PM
dear beautiful,
you complete me. i love you with all my heart.
yours forever,
trnt ndrw nln


May 17, 2006 11:35 AM
hey you.
have a great day, okay?
maybe this comment will add to it, huh?
i love you.


May 18, 2006 11:56 AM
oh, i really miss my girlfriend. this is true though, i do get to see you soooooon. :)
i decided i don't want to get my hair cut, but i was going to ask you, do you think your family might think less of me if i have long hair?
hope your day is spectacular, love.

come home,

a summer drive away from dying; a broken heart...nothing to lose.
i know it hurts so bad just trying to please the ones you hate to love.
and, i wrote this note about someone i used to know so i'd remember how life can be so short when you're left alone to wonder how it is someone opens and shuts the door.

and i know you're cold, but come home.
it's a shame how short we all have come.

you set your mind on cruise control; knuckles grip the wheel in fear to let it go.
love is empty. love is cruel. love, it blindly breaks the rules.
how could you have been a fool?
it's something all of us go through.
you choke back tears and swallow lies, but those wiper blades won't fix your eyes.
count on having clouded vision for at least a little while.

please. don't face the headlights of the oncoming cars alone.
we won't forget the past.
say all the answers and i will let you go.
i won't look back.







:nalon werdna tnert

today was wonderful. i just thought to pause for a moment in my life and say 'thank you.' i know that i almost never fail to say those words, but rarely do i mean them.
you know, you really do a great job of taking care of me. you keep me on my toes.

"i saw, and still see sparks...everyday..."

decisions...finally, i'm stepping up to the plate and i'm making decisions for myself. i'm beginning to bloom, and shed that god awful cocoon of brattiness.


oh, how i adore you, trent. you made my night so special. i have to write these things down because some day when we're having our 'downs,' i know you'll think i've forgotten all about those wonderful moments with you.

random things that you do that no one else could/ or would think to do for me:

free car wash any one? :}
"it's us in the rainbow colors"
"i know other guys don't need to feel rich, but i do. that's why i chose to spend my life doing this, because i knew...we've got something here inside that others just can't imagine they can buy. make it a date. tell me when and i'll say, ' i'll love you ever and after..."
"rain drops keep falling on my head, but that doesn't mean my eyes will soon be turning red..."
"auburn 4-0" you make me smile so big when you talk about your passions. :}
your cd.
our smiley.
a random red rose.
strawberry pancakes.
your beautiful smile, and how it lights your eyes up whenever you see me.
"no. i'll propose to you!"
"i was planning to do more but you came home too soon...and the football game was on."
"are you going to eat your payday, baby?"
target :}.
sprinklers.
U turns :}.
yogurt :}.
fly masks.
holding me.
memories of a friend.
rubbing my arm, and playing with my hair.
your beautiful voice :}.
random white guy at 2 in the morning with white guy music.
bad feelings forgotten about within seconds thanks to you :}.


you care so much about me. it's unbelievable. don't you dare be afraid of losing me. i'm not going any where. remember, "you can't hold on to something that's already attached." thank you for being so beautiful and trying so hard.

p.s. don't forget to record that c.d. :}


"love of mine, some day you will die, but i'll be close behind. i'll follow you into the dark. no blinding light or tunnels to gates of white. just our hands clasped so tight waiting for the hint of a spark. if heaven and hell decide that they both are satisfied, illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs. if there's no one beside you when your soul embarks, then i'll follow you into the dark...
you and me have seen everything to see, from bangkok to calgary. and the soles of your shoes are all worn down. the time for sleep is now. it's nothing to cry about cause we'll hold eachother soon..."





and that's what's up,

I know that almost every girl probably says that she 'has the best boyfriend in the world,' but how many of them actually mean that?

I do.

I know that this is so cliche`, but Trent, darling,

I love you with all of my heart. "Love" is not even the word for what I hold in my heart for you. It's so funny to think back on my past relationship's...and my experiences in those relationship's...and the mistakes made...and the fights...and the hurt.

Trent, with you there is none of that. Without you, I can't sleep, I can't really think, I'm just walking around without any meaning. When I'm with you, I am at my happiest...I'm at a place that I didn't even know existed. You know, people do drugs that make them feel good... and if that's all a drug is for...to take away pain, anxiety, whatever - then, I suppose that you're my drug.

All that I've ever wanted is satisfaction...I've found it in you. It's such an unbelievable feeling to just know that you've found what you're whole life is for...that you've found your purpose, and your meaning in life- to make another's day, everyday, day in and day out. I'm going to spend my whole life catering to you, love. I live for you, and you only...to make your life worthwhile...and to give every rainy day a little bit of sunshine.

If any one wants a definition of love...well here you go,

Love is waking up each morning knowing that someone else loves you more than he/she loves his/her own life. Love is unexpected smiles because someone that you would give your own life up for said something that you never expected anyone to say to you...things you only wished someone would say to you. Love is having heart palpitations when you see your other. Love is wanting to be close to your other as much as possible, and knowing that 'close' is never close enough. Love is giving up all selfishness for someone else. Love is out there. Keep hope if you no longer believe. Love is Trent and Catherine.



"...and I saw sparks"

:].

today was a good day. trent is sitting here eating wheat thins and drinking some fruit drink [as usual] and it's 2:06 a.m. in the morning.


casper is attacking everything and of course binx is watching his every move. i'm savoring in the day i just had...try to remember every little detail since i slept through most of it.


mary- scissor sisters <3.

tideland ...i need to watch that.


trent and i just got back from watching the black dahlia. it was REEEEALLLLLY good.

The Lucky Ones- Rachel Cusk

Kirsty remembered waking up one morning, when she was about ten, feeling so bad that she thought something about the world had changed. All her bones ached and she felt hot and cold and sick to her stomach, and she couldn't move, not one inch; and she lay there thinking, "What am I going to do, how am I going to go on"?" It was as if she was all alone, and her lilfe was a race, like in a dream, that something was stopping her from running. She had to go on but she couldn't go on, and there was trouble, trouble in her head and behind her eyes and trouble in the pit of her stomach.

She used to say hello and talk to him sometimes, and then he saw her in the playground at school one day and he came up and kicked her. He had this big smile on his face. When he did it she had the strange feeling that she could see inside his head, and what she saw was that he knew everyone hated him and that he hated himself more. She saw another person inside the person he was. She often got that feeling with men.

So, today was different but not exactly. It was more of 'just another day,' with that 'oh, maybe I learned something from today because I feel like I might have,' thought. I can't sleep at all, and that's really sucky because I have to look foward to waking up in 5 hours. I find that I talk to myself in my head. I ask myself questions, and question my life. Apparently, I'm not satisfied...and unfortunately I won't produce enough willpower to give a rats ass to make changes.
I'm currently reading The Secret Life of Bees. This is the third book that I've started, and I'm hoping that I finish it. I feel like, ugh. UGH - exactly that.


I have nothing to say.
Good night, lovers.

<3

christi. maria. ya'll are gunna have to coach me at this thing...
joke.
i'll eventually get it.

<333

let's go read some more scary stories.